"We know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who have been called according to His purpose." Rom. 8:28
The last Bible study we started to memorize this verse, using actions again. I had two weeks to memorize this, since there was no study last week (snow, what a surprise!) which helped.
I struggle with verses like this at times because I tend to be a negative Nellie like my dad instead of a Positive Polly like my mom and sister. I have been doubting lately as although I was at Disney World last week with my family, the crowds, the heat, lack of sleep and healthy foods, and being around people 24/7 stressed me out. It reminded me of my thorn in my side, my mental illnesses. I am in "remission" most of the time, but when I am not able to stick to my routines, I get stressed out.
In the last 10 years I have not held a job. I tried a couple but they didn't last due to my stressing out. I felt like a miserable failure. A big, fat, loser. I expect myself to be like everyone else and do the same things like everyone else, but sometimes that is not possible. For physical reasons that is fine, I can legitimize them. But for mental reasons, I feel like my mental illnesses are a moral failure.
This is especially pressing on me at this time when I am also taking a class about writing my memoir. My instructor kept telling me I need an antagonist. I couldn't find one, at least a mortal one! But then it dawned in me, I am my antagonist. I am my own worst enemy.
But then God revealed something to me today. The last 10 years my cat Chocolate has had health problem after health problem. I was reminded of what great needs he has when I was gone last week. I had a vet tech come twice a day to feed him and clean his boxes. Normally I feed him four times a day, a small amount. Otherwise he eats it all, pukes, and eats it again, making a mess and generally making him miserable. I realized that with a job I couldn't do this. I would be coming home each day facing a big mess to clean up, and a cat in miserable pain.
When I realized this I smiled, tears in my eyes, as I gazed lovingly upon my baby. He was curled up in a bed in the sun, his fur glistening. I smiled knowing that God loves him even more than I do, and He loves that I take care of Him. He has provided for me the time to do so.
I remember again that God is good.