There have been some changes in my life lately. One is that I started going to a new church. I had not gone to my previous church for about a year as they had cancelled Saturday night services. After 20 years, one does not make such a drastic change! Not only that, there was no more singles group, and no more women's group. The one group I could go to alternated nights every six weeks. It's hard to make a commitment when I am an ABE/ESL teacher and half the positions are at night. I guess I was angry at the things I lost at this church, when I had been a member for 20 years.
About a year ago, the empty K-mart next to the apartment complex I live in was bought by a church, Eagle Brook Church. I had heard good things about this church for a while, yet never went as their locations were no closer to me than Open Door, and I was comfortable there. But when all this happened, I decided I had to let it go. Every time I thought those words, I had that song stuck in my head, although I never could understand the rest of the words.
I started going a few weekends ago. I was amazed at how big this place is. They have six locations, and most have two services both Saturday evening and Sunday morning. Not only that, they have tons of groups. They even have a group finder online to help you find one that meets your needs.
I loved the music. The sermons were good too, but to me, no one would ever be as good as Dave Johnson, the pastor at Open Door. But he only spoke half the times, if even that. We were quite spoiled by Dave. Again, things were changing that I didn't like and that I couldn't have control over.
That's the beauty? of this life. Sometimes things change that we don't like. Sometimes things never change, and you have to let it go. You have to decide are you going to stick with it or are you going to part your separate ways?
There are no easy answers in life. Sometimes it's just a matter of waiting, and waiting, and waiting some more. Maybe with all that waiting, God worked in my heart and mind more and more each day until I was ready to make the change. Until then, I just had to be mad and grieve the loss of something that mattered a great deal to me.
But in the end, I had to let go. I had to close that door and open a new one. Like a year ago when I quit writing and started going to college to learn how to be an ABE/ESL teacher, of which I will done end of October. And two years ago when I had to let go of my Chocolate, my cat, my best friend of 18 years.
I guess there have been a lot of losses in my life these last two years. But I also gained some things, a new career, a new church, and a deeper relationship with God.
I hate to say it, but it seems that time heals all wounds. I prayed and prayed and prayed, but I guess I had to be ready to let go, and embrace new things. My stubborn mind and heart wanted to hold on for so long, until I was tired of holding on to something that was no longer there.
I had to let it go.