A few weeks ago, when I was staying at my parents, I got an email from a Christian publisher who was interested in my memoir. I sat in shock, staring at the computer screen. I looked at my mom and told her about it, with a goofy grin in my face. But I kept saying, even if it doesn't work out, at least I know someone likes my writing!
It didn't work out. The contract had too many issues I couldn't live with, so I had to say no. I so wanted to say yes, but I had to be wise and not be impulsive. My memoir was my most important writing, and I didn't want to just publish it without making sure the contract was kosher.
I just never thought anyone would respond to my many emails and snail mails regarding my writing. Besides my one cat article for a magazine, I had never been paid. I've been published, but never paid.
But just because I want to be published doesn't mean that I should jump at the first chance. They weren't a a bad publishing company, but I guess the timing wasn't right. I didn't have enough time to renegotiate the contract, and they seemed like they weren't willing to change it. They were a small and new company so I knew I would never get much, which I was OK with. I'm not in it for the money, but I saw red flags that I couldn't just ignore.
I let my hopes rise, and now I am disappointed. But my memoir is kind of like my baby. I have to do it right. I have to give it a good home, and a fighting chance to make a difference somewhere.
But it felt pretty good, I felt pretty official as a writer, for three weeks. It's just hard, when your dreams come true and you have to say no to them. It's like settling, I have never been one to do anything half-assed, and I am not about to do that with my memoir.
I just try to remember that even when I make bad choices, like when I mixed meds, and I have an accident, God is still watching over me. He kept me from getting hurt, or hurting anyone else. I shudder at the thought of what could have happened. And thank God that He watches over me, as a Shepherd over His flock.