Thursday, April 9, 2015

Stupid is as Stupid Does

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I had an altercation last night.  I dutifully went to my NAMI mental illness group, and it was ok.  I like the women but the men I don't as I can't understand what they say.  So I guess it is not their fault.  Anyways, a new lady came in late and told us a bit about herself and why she was there. Like the rest of us she was struggling with her own mental illnesses and other things, and like us, just looking for a listening ear and and a supportive  heart.  A man started to argue with her.  After a few back and forth of this she started to get visibly upset and asked him to stop.  He wouldn't.  I looked to the woman and gave her some encouraging words in the hopes that the man would shut up.  He didn't.  The woman looked on the verge of tears, so I told the man to stop, he was upsetting her.  He did not.  I got mad and started to cry.  The man said something like if we couldn't handle it we should leave.  I got really mad and upset and told him that we are here to support each other, not argue.  If he doesn't like that he needs to leave and I pointed to the door.  He did not but kept arguing.  FINALLY, the leader (a man) looked at me and told us to stop arguing.  The man continued arguing and I said I am trying to defend this poor woman. I lost it.  I got up to go, crying and trying to catch my breath, I was so upset.  The woman wanted me to stay but I wouldn't.  I refused to stay there and take that abuse and not be supported.  I left and no one followed me.  So far, the leader has not tried to contact me.  
If a leader can't control the group, they shouldn't be leading a group.  I don't know how many times over the years I talked with the men in the singles group at church about things, trying to talk to them about being fair, respectful, and welcoming.  No such luck.  The last meeting I went to there I had an altercation like this.  Why do I find myself in the position of having to try to reason with people who don't care?  Why do I find myself trying to do what's best for the group, being fair, following mores of society, being respectful, being welcoming?  I am the one with training and experience, and yet these men act like they are better than me, and other women.  

You see why I have issues with men.  I know I am not perfect, but I will be damned if I let some man abuse me or another woman.  I don't know if the NAMI group episode had to do with the man/woman issue, but I felt the same, and had the same outburst.  I can only take so much before I explode.  I know it's not the best way to deal with it, but a "support" group should be a group of people supporting each other, not someone who keeps picking a fight or trying to control.  

It is beyond me to understand why people, one who professes to be a Christian, and one who professes to have a mental illness and is there for support and to give support, and yet they do the complete opposite. They just think they know everything and everyone else is stupid, or at least me and other women.  

As I have said before, I am tired of being bullied and have chosen to make a stand.  I have.  But it is hard. I go looking for support and I get bullied.  I just feel for the poor woman who came last night.  She was already struggling. I kept praying for her, that she could feel God's presence and know that God loves her.  I hope and pray she gets the real support she needs.  

So now I am going to open my parcels from Amazon.  I ordered a few things for my crabs with a gift card I got from my mom.  I have a nice mommy.  I love my family, they are always so good to me.

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