Tuesday, January 7, 2014

A New Year

The Monday after the holidays is called the most depressing day of the year.  I can see why.  I was stuck at home, too dang cold to go out (-48 windchill, and if you don't know what that means you haven't lived) and I had chores to do.  Yay.  I dutifully did my chores, freezing in my cold apartment all the day, worrying about my poor baby (my cat) and feeling guilty about it, like I have anything to do with the weather or my cold abode. 

Last week I found a wet spot in a box that Chocolate (my cat), likes to sleep in.  Along with the impending period (the next day), I was an emotional wreck.  I thought this was it, he is dying.  After the weekend of no more public urination and the worst of my period being over, I am ok, and so, apparently is he.  I decided that he thought "it's a box, therefore I can do my business in it."

Last week I also did some research about what to do with my story.  You know, the one I am trying to write.  I finally edited it to my satisfaction, and tried to figure out what to do with it.  It is technically a novelette.  Not a novel which is 50,000, and not a short story, which is 5,000.  Mine is 10,000.  I could try to extend it to novel length, but I keep thinking what is the purpose of me writing it, and should I do it?  The thought of writing more makes me want to hurl, and I just keep feeling like it doesn't seem like it should be longer.  But a novelette is hard to sell apparently, so I got depressed, which doesn't help when you get your period, and took a break from it.

I am still on a break from it.  I am presently doing a "Jumpstart your Creativity" book that helps jog your imagination.  I am getting some ideas from that, which is cool.  But the story keeps nagging at me.

So I decided to do what I should always do yet never do, give it to God.  I don't know why, but I struggle so much on my own in whatever I do that I create such anxiety within me.  I hate making decisions because I don't know!  Augh!  FINALLY, I realize, if it is God's will, He will make it so.  So I remember that, FINALLY, and give it to Him, and stop obsessing about it. 

I know He loves my cat even more than me, so I know I can trust Him with him.  And I believe He inspired me with the story I wrote, so if He wants others to read it, He will make it so, somehow.  I often forget this and have to give it to Him again, but when I do, I am surrounded with peace.  As I learned in my 12-step group, I have to take it one step at a time.  By the grace of God go I.

No comments: