I follow a great blog by Addie Zierman who is coming out on Oct. 15 with her first book: When We Were on Fire. I highly recommend it as I am getting it myself! It is a memoir about her life as a Christian "on fire" for God. Oh, I know how that feels like! I was like that in college. I was in Campus Crusade for Christ, you know, the ones with the little orange booklet, "The Four Spiritual Laws." I was heavily involved for three years until I burned out. I went to weekly meetings, bible study, twice weekly prayer meetings, and leadership training. I looked like I had it together but inside I was questioning my own salvation. I was dismayed at the divide between the Christian groups and denominations. I had friends on both sides of the aisle, but was told by some on Crusade that THEY were the only right group, THEY were the ones who witnessed right, THEIRS were the only right church. Added to this was the pressure from my Bible study leader to witness and lead a Bible study of my own. But I felt like a salesman when I witnessed, and not particularly honest either. We would approach people asking them what they thought about the little orange booklet. But I felt like I was lying, we didn't care, we just wanted to convert. Writing this now, when I have never written it before and seen it in print, makes me feel like what a horrible Christian I was, what a hypocrite.
Needless to say, I finally quit, believing that Crusade had become my god, not God. I had to go back to square one. And I did. Thank you God!
I still regret being so pushy in my old Crusade days when I was "on fire." I hope and pray that I didn't push anyone further away from God than to. I still see the divisiveness in the church, and it saddens me that we allow this to dim our light to the world. I hate to admit I do this too. It's so easy to be judgmental, isn't it?
When We Were on Fire