Third Artwork

This is my 3rd piece of artwork.  It is an ink and watercolor paint picture.  I finished it at home as the art school had its usual break this month.  The breaks bum me out as I want to keep working on my art and yet have instant feedback.  But they have classes for 8 weeks and then have a break for 5 weeks.  So I took it home and it didn't turn out as I had hoped, I think it is too pale.  And I don't know what to do with the white space in the middle.  It was a picture from a fairy tale book, where this picture was the title page of each story.  I'd like to hang it up in my home but I don't know what to put in the middle.  What do you think?

This night I was supposed to go to a Bible study that I joined 2 weeks ago.  It is only the 2 leaders and I so far.  It is called a medical miracle group, as we have all had medical problems and persevered through them.  I am just getting to know them and now we won't meet again until after the new year.  And their group only meets an hour instead of the usual 2 hours.  At least it is every week instead of every other week.  It was the only group that fit my schedule and my specs.  So needless to say I am bored.  I think I may look for more work after the new year.  This working 2 nights a week is the pits.  What do you think? 

Wurmbrand

I have been a supporter of Voice of the Martyrs for many years, and recently they gave me a movie and book about Richard Wurmbrand, the founder.

Wurmbrand was tortured in a Romanian Communist prison for a total of 14 years, during the height of communism.  There were many atrocities done to many people in these prisons.  It boggles  the mind the depravity of the perpetrators.  But they were raised in hate, much like our present-day terrorists.  All they know is hate.  So even though Richard and many others suffered through a living hell, they still loved their attackers.  This is amazing to me.  How can one love others like that?  But I am reminded that it was not in their nature to love, but through Christ in them, that taught them and empowered them to love.

Because of this great love of Christ in these brave men and women, many were saved and redeemed from a life of hate to a life of love.  What an amazing witness this is of God's power, that He can change people to that extent.  That is miraculous.  Their stories remind me of how good I have it, and how blessed I am to live at a place and time that I am free to worship Christ and fellowship with other believers.  I am free to read the Bible and talk about it.  I just have many freedoms and am so thankful for that.  

Belated Thanksgiiving

I am thankful for:

my loving family

my comfy and cozy home

my dependable car

being born in USA

my loving friends

my career

my education

my art that I create

my Bible

My Jesus

my salvation

my many freedoms

my computers

my church

my pets

my travel memories

Christmas

family memories

and so much more!

It is easy to forget how much I have, and easy to wallow in self pity for what I don't have.  I have to stop and think about what I do have.  I heard a quote that I like that goes something like don't want what you don't have, but want what you do have.  I like that.  There are some things I have no control over, my career, romantic relationships, the weather.  But I do have control over how I respond and react to my circumstances.  So instead of feeling sorry for myself, I have to consciously be thankful because in reality, to much of the known world, I have more than them.  

Writer's Block

Yes, I am suffering writer's block.  I am hoping my online writing workshops will inspire  me because I have no ideas.  Not only that, it still hurts to type.  I used to be quite inspired and wrote a lot.  Now my mind is a blank.  I am not sure why this is happening, but it is frustrating.

Maybe before I wrote more because that's all I did.  But now I have a  job.  And I want to keep working, I like my career.  Sometimes though I wish I had more hours.  I get nervous when I have free time, and I have a lot of it now, of which I am trying to fill up.  But then again, if I work more I won't be able to take art classes or do Bible study.  And I worry that I will be anxious again.  So there is that.

Another reason is I wonder if my anti-anxiety meds cause me to lose inspiration.  But I need to take these meds as they keep me employed and help me sleep.  So there is that.

Who knows.  I know I don't have control over how many hours I have to work.  And I don't seem to have control over my inspiration.   It's either there or it isn't.  But I have to keep telling myself that a lot of people would love to not have to work full-time, and that I am thankful I don't have to.  Nor do I have to depend on social security, which I know it is not enough to live on.  

I am also thankful for my home, another blessing from my parents, and my cat, Bella.  It is so nice to come home to her and she is always happy to have me at home.  She sleeps with me every night, which is always comforting to me.  So I have the 3 things I once asked for and lost, and now regained.  Although I had never lost my home, I lost my job and my cat, and it took me too long to get back to a place where I could have these things again.  But then again I have to remind myself that I have it good compared to most people.  I don't know of anyone without problems, or wishing things were different.   Why is it so hard to be thankful?  Is it because I have a pessimistic bent?  I hate being that way but that is what I am, along with all the other.  Which seems to be a repellent to men.  Which is a topic for another day.  

Another Update

Again, another update about my work situation. I am back to teaching Tues. and Thurs., and there is a another teacher working Mon. and Wed.  I am tired of this off and on so I hope she sticks around for a while.  I have been making up hours that I missed at my art class by going twice a week  I have missed that.  It is so relaxing for me.  I also decided to volunteer for the Animal Humane Society, in cat adoption in Coon Rapids, what I used to do before Chocolate died.  I look forward to doing that, I have missed being with cats, and I hope I can help them there.  I am looking for a Bible study, but not have had much luck there.  I am also going to take some writing workshops online through a Christian writers group.  

It has been about a year since I adopted Bella, my cat, and that has been sweet.  The only thing she does that bugs me is she meows a lot.  Otherwise, she has been a perfect cat.  I could't have asked for a better one.  She sleeps with me every night which always makes me happy.  I love coming home to her.  People confuse me and baffle me, but animals no. I wish I could get a job helping them.  I love animals.  

I got a cortisone shot for my arm Mon. and have yet felt relief.  I hope it helps, I have had this problem for too long and it tires me out all the time.  

But I look forward to next week and Thanksgiving.  I look forward to putting up my Christmas tree.  I love the season of Christmas, it cheers me.  

Update

Six weeks ago I was diagnosed with radial tunnel syndrome.  I have had PT for the last 6 weeks, and it was great, no pain!  Until we started doing strengthening exercises.  Then the pain came back.  We are quitting that for now and doing PT as done before.  So I hope the pain goes away again.  That was nice.

 I am also teaching again four nights a week.  I was unable to go back to my art class, which I was bummed out about as I loved it.  But at least I know now how to draw and paint and with the supplies I had to buy for the art class, I am able to do it at home.  I quit my Bible study.  Half the time there was nobody there.  So I don't miss that.  Although I was looking forward to the new women's group at my old church.  But, oh well.  I just keep praying that God knows best.  

Bella, my cat, is doing great.  She sleeps with me every night, and it is nice to come home and she is there.  I didn't realize how much I missed having a pet.  They are a source of great comfort, and she makes me laugh.  She is so sweet, she just wants to be loved.  Rescue pets are the best!

First Painting

This is my first watercolor I did art the Art Academy.  I first drew then inked the picture, then I used watercolors to paint it.  We only used the primary colors and black.  I guess the other colors in the paint box don't reflect the other colors perfectly, so we had to learn to mix colors to get the desired effect.  That was the hardest part.  You look at the color, brightness, and other factors when you are mixing your colors.  But I still enjoyed it and look forward to coming back after their too long break!  I still don't want to leave the class, I so enjoy it.  And I still find it relaxing.  

Minnie

My parent's beloved dog, Minnie, passed away last Thursday.  She was very sick and not getting better, so they decided to peacefully end her suffering.  Although I don't live with my parents, I loved Minnie as if she was my own.  She helped me when I lost Chocolate, and when I was recovering from my dislocated shoulder.  She helped all of us when my dad dislocated his hip.  She protected my mom and I from strange animals and hyper dogs.  She protected her doggy friend from an aggressive dog.  She was always taking care of us. I guess she got worn out worrying about us.

She was always happy to see me, which made me smile.  Dogs don't care what you look like or what you do for a living.  They just want to be loved.  And that's all Minnie wanted too.  She didn't play with toys or chew on bones.  She just wanted to be loved.  I could spend all day scratching her and petting her and that wouldn't be enough.  She just wanted to be with us, no matter what we were doing or where we were.

Now going to my parent's house is very quiet, and I miss her presence.  She loved to lay on the couch with us, or sit in our laps.  She loved to race with the cart as we drove it around the property.  She just loved life, she was so happy and energetic.  

But she got old, like we all do.  I want her back but not as in the end, but when she was happy and smiling her doggy smile.  It always seems too soon when we have to say good-bye.  We are never prepared enough.

Minnie was a rescue dog, and the best dog.  Rescue pets seem to know they have been given a second chance.  So I'll end this with a plug to adopt, don't shop.  There are too many wonderful pets out there who just want a second chance.  

History Matters

I went to this museum this past weekend as they had two new exhibits I had not seen.  This is a great museum for all ages, for it is hands-on, and makes history come alive.  It is not just about MN, but how history affected and is affected by MN.  They also have two great stores with lots of fun gifts, and a cafe with the best chicken wild rice soup.  I highly recommend this museum, along with all the other MN Historical Society sites throughout MN.  I haven't been to them all but the ones I have been to have been very interesting and relateable.  I like their motto, History Matters, because it does.  The older I get the more nostalgic I get,  and it is meaningful to see and experience the things I knew as a child.  History is part of our makeup, it is part of our story.

Steam

I just saw a fabulous show this past weekend that my niece, Emily is in.  She is on this poster, the lower left corner.  She plays the leader of the aliens and the leader of the Morlocks (looks like a post-apocalyptic biker gang).  She was in most of the scenes, and did most of the acts.  I was and am amazed at her talent and her energy!

Emily has been performing here for about 10 years, and does everything except clowning (I hate clowns!).  My favorite act in the show is the wheel of steel, which is terribly dangerous but I can see why she loves to do it. 

She wants to go professional someday, and I hope that she does.  I know she has the talent for it.  She has worked so hard and suffered through so many injuries, yet she doesn't give up.  She is a tough person, not one to mess with!

I am so proud of her, and I hope she knows how much I love her.  We are not a demonstrative family, and I know that even though Emily and are so similar in some ways, in other ways we are very different.  But I still love her and am amazed by her.  

Pain Update

For those who may not remember, I have had traveling chronic pain from my elbow to my index finger for three years.  At first, I thought it was due to smartphone use, but now I wonder if it is from my car accident about the time the pain started.  Nevertheless, I have seen three doctors about it, along with having a cortisone shot, physical therapy, braces, x-rays, nerve conduction tests, and neck MRI.  All the tests were negative, and the shot and PT didn't help.  I see a final doctor this Friday, one who has helped my family with their pain, and I hope she helps me because I am tired of living with this pain.  It is the worst when I am trying to sleep, driving, typing, or doing nothing.  If you could, could you please pray?  I know some of you live with chronic pain as well.  Mine is minimal compared to yours I am sure, but I am tired of it and tired of not getting any answers.  Thanks for reading!  

NORTHWESTERN CHRISTIAN WRITERS CONFERENCE

I went to this conference last weekend.  I loved it!  I was inspired to begin writing again.  I took two seminars on getting my work published, and another on coping with the rejection and failure.  The woman who taught that wrote an excellent book that I am reading now, a fiction taking place during WWI.  I so enjoy reading Christian fiction because there isn't gratuitous sex, violence, or swearing.  Those things aren't necessary in a good story.  I figure if you need all that then you must not have a very good story.  Not that mine are great.  

I was encouraged in remembering that I was offered a contract three years ago for my memoir.  I kind of regret not taking it.  But I was focusing on my new career as an ESL teacher, and my dad just had his accident, and to be honest, I was scared.  I never imagined that anyone would be interested in my story.  So I think I will try again.  I need to edit it and look into sending it to publishing companies again.  I have some ideas percolating in my mind, it's just a matter of getting it done.  It will be a while though, with the other stuff in my life, but at least I have something else to do in my free time.  I actually miss writing.  I guess maybe I needed a break.  So we shall see  I also have to find help for my sore arm and hand.  But I will write about that in a later blog.  My arm and hand are sore.   

First Drawing

This is my first drawing that I completed in my art class.  It is a copy from another drawing.  It is quite a process of first tracing the picture on a clear plastic large grid sheet with a red pen, then drawing on large grid paper.  Then I used a calligraphy pen to trace the picture.  It took me about 5 hours.  I so enjoyed doing it.  Partly because it doesn't involve my left hand and arm that are often sore.  I'm quite pleased with the results.  It feels good to be successful at something.  And it is relaxing.  Even if I make a mistake, I can erase it and it affects nobody.  I can keep working on it until I get it right.  

Failure is not Final

Get Back Up

I loved this message at my church so much that I am sharing it with you.  You can click on the Get Back Up above and watch it online.  One of the stirring quotes in the video is "failure is not final."  I so need that as I am struggling with trying to start a Bible study in my home.

I am doing this through my church, so my group is listed on their website, and I posted notices in all the buildings of my complex.  At first, I had 5 interested.  Now it is down to 2, and only one has shown up.  Although I did meet another elsewhere in a neutral place to assure her.  The 3 that changed their minds said they might join in the fall.  

It is hard not to feel like a failure here.  I also am struggling at work as we are using a new curriculum that I am not familiar with, so that can be nerve-wracking for me too.  I always seem to feel nervous before work, Bible study, volunteering, and even my art class, to the point of not wanting to go.  But I force myself and it usually turns out well.  Even so, when I fail, it consumes me like a fire, and it is hard to let it go.  I am a lot harder on myself than I am on others.  Why is that?  Why do I expect perfection from myself but not others?  

So I have to remember Peter, what this message is about.  About how even though he failed, Jesus forgave him, and restored him so much that he became the first leader of the Christian church.  So I have to remember that even though I fail, it is not final, and I have to forgive myself and get back up again.  

Art Academy

Monday night I finally started my beginning drawing and painting class at this place above.  I loved it!  I didn't want to leave!  I have always wanted to learn to draw and paint but never felt like I could.  I took a drawing  class in high school but I usually only got C's, and the teacher was always flirting with the boys.  Needless to say, it was a  frustrating experience.  But I always loved art.  I've always loved doing it and looking at it.  But there are no art places nearby for adults.  So this place is in St. Paul, which isn't so bad as I am going against rush hour traffic.  So if you want to try something, go for it!  Don't let your past dictate your future.  I always saying that failure is failing to try.  

Hope 4 Youth

I started volunteering for this place last week.  My church told its congregation about it, so I went on a tour and decided that I would like to volunteer for this place.

They help homeless youth in the Anoka area.  I had no idea there was a problem with homeless youth in my area, but there is.  There are various places to volunteer at, like the drop in center at the old milk factory in Anoka, where youth come in and receive various services.  Another place is their boutique in Champlin, where they sell goods and give the money to the organization.  Third, there is Hope Place, a residential home for youth on the path to independence.  Finally, there are other areas of need for volunteer.

I volunteer at Hope Place.  There I am at the welcome desk where I welcome people who come to work with the residents, and I visit with the residents.  I was very nervous last week when I started, but through God's grace, it went fine, and I was able to complete my shift intact!  

I start leading my Bible study this week, and I hope all goes well, I hope people come, and I hope I can do a good job.  I am very nervous about it, and have been praying about it, so I hope that it comes to be a good experience for all.  

Washington, D.C.

My mom and I went to DC last week and these are 2 recommendations I can make re: DC.  First, is the Old Town Trolley Tours, which is a hop on hop off tour that goes on all day and will pick you up and drop you off at some hotels.  The drivers are friendly and know a lot about history.  They are also the only hop on hop off tour bus that goes into Arlington, which is a must see.  I was very impressed with their service and would use this tour in any city they are in.

Second is the Museum of the Bible.  I highly recommend this as well.  It is only 2 blocks south of the Smithsonian.  It is huge and has many cool exhibits that takes hours to see.  It was a very interesting and  amazing museum.  And it is free!  Although donations are welcome.  They have a fly over ride ($5) that shows you where the Bible is in the capital, exhibits about the old and new testament, a living village during Jesus' time, tons of Bibles, and an exhibit on how the Bible has influenced cultures throughout the world.  It is almost overwhelming all the artifacts there are to see.

So we had fun in our nation's capital.  As well as the previous time we were there, we visited some of the Smithsonian museums, and toured the many monuments and memorials.  Everyone there was so friendly and helpful, I was amazed and proud of our nation's capital.  I do love to travel!

Another Update

It has been almost a years since I started teaching at my school, and I finally found out about 2 months ago that I didn't get the four nights a week job.  But I still have the 2 nights a week job.  I'm not sure how I feel about this, but I picked 2 things to do those other nights, so that I can still stay busy and active.

One is that I am taking a drawing and painting class starting next month.  I am excited for this, for I have always wanted to do art but never allowed myself the luxury.  Now that I am working, I am giving myself this gift of doing something that I enjoy. 

Also, I am starting a Bible study next month as well, through my church.  I couldn't find a Bible study that fit my needs, considering the nights I work and how so many have age and stage restrictions.  I have never done this before, but it's something I've wanted to try.  

So that's what's new with me.  Oh, and I got a new car.  For those of you who know that my dad is  a big Ford fan, he got me a Suburu. He believes that's the safest car, and I trust his judgment on cars.  I know nothing about cars, so I thought this was wise.  I love it actually, I feel safe in it.  I feel rather spoiled in it, I never would have been able to afford it on my own.  But it makes things a lot easier for me.

And I am 50!  I heard that on average, people live into their 70s, so I realized, wow, I have 1/3 of my life left.  I better make it count.