Writer's Block

Yes, I am suffering writer's block.  I am hoping my online writing workshops will inspire  me because I have no ideas.  Not only that, it still hurts to type.  I used to be quite inspired and wrote a lot.  Now my mind is a blank.  I am not sure why this is happening, but it is frustrating.

Maybe before I wrote more because that's all I did.  But now I have a  job.  And I want to keep working, I like my career.  Sometimes though I wish I had more hours.  I get nervous when I have free time, and I have a lot of it now, of which I am trying to fill up.  But then again, if I work more I won't be able to take art classes or do Bible study.  And I worry that I will be anxious again.  So there is that.

Another reason is I wonder if my anti-anxiety meds cause me to lose inspiration.  But I need to take these meds as they keep me employed and help me sleep.  So there is that.

Who knows.  I know I don't have control over how many hours I have to work.  And I don't seem to have control over my inspiration.   It's either there or it isn't.  But I have to keep telling myself that a lot of people would love to not have to work full-time, and that I am thankful I don't have to.  Nor do I have to depend on social security, which I know it is not enough to live on.  

I am also thankful for my home, another blessing from my parents, and my cat, Bella.  It is so nice to come home to her and she is always happy to have me at home.  She sleeps with me every night, which is always comforting to me.  So I have the 3 things I once asked for and lost, and now regained.  Although I had never lost my home, I lost my job and my cat, and it took me too long to get back to a place where I could have these things again.  But then again I have to remind myself that I have it good compared to most people.  I don't know of anyone without problems, or wishing things were different.   Why is it so hard to be thankful?  Is it because I have a pessimistic bent?  I hate being that way but that is what I am, along with all the other.  Which seems to be a repellent to men.  Which is a topic for another day.