It's a Wonderful Life

Two days ago I went to a funeral for a friend's father.  I was nervous about going as I wondered if I would know anybody, and I always get nervous that I am going to say or do the wrong thing.  It was the church that I went to when I was a teen, and I hadn't been back there since except for another funeral.  

But I was worried for nothing.  I saw a lot of people that I knew, and they were all so nice and welcoming.   They seemed genuinely happy to see me.  And I was happy to see them.  I had forgotten what community felt like, and when I do get to experience it, it is like a waterfall of grace washing over me.  Even though I had some issues with the church, it was and still is the people who give it light.  They truly are the light of the world, as it says in the Bible.

And I was impressed by the stories about my friend's father.  I knew him, I used to go to my friend's house a lot when we were growing up.  In fact, she is the one who told me about Jesus.  I loved to go to their house with their family of many fun-loving sisters and one brother, and a cat and a dog.  It was an old house full of curious nooks and crannies that I liked to explore.  The family was also so friendly and welcoming to me, I even felt a part of it.  

And hearing these many stories and seeing all the many people at the funeral, I came to realize that my friend's father made a difference in many people's lives.  It reminded me of one of my favorite movies, It's a Wonderful Life, and how like George in the movie, my friend's father had many friends and helped many people.  George was rich because he had friends, and so was this father. 

It reminded me that that's what life is about, people.  And making a difference in their lives.  We read about these great people who do great things.  But most of us are rather ordinary, just living our everyday lives.  But maybe that's what it's all about.  Making a difference where you are at, using what gifts you have been given.  

I hope I remember this always, especially when I am anxious or depressed.  I hope I remember that's what life is about, making a difference even in our own small ways.

A New Year

This new year I am going to once and for all do something for the pain in my arm.  I am also going to look for another job to add to the one I have.  So that is what is new. And I would like to go on a trip, I don't know where and when.  

It hurts so much to  type, actually, it hurts all the time.  I hope the surgery and recovery won't  be so bad.  I will find out this Wed.  

And I need to work more.  I don't like having all this free time.  It makes me depressed and bored.  I need a regular schedule.  So I will begin again the arduous process of applying and interviewing for jobs.  I just can't sit around watching TV.  Besides, there's nothing on.

My last picture that I drew I am getting framed.  I wrote beloved on it as that is what my name means.  I am beloved by God.  

I will still go to art until I get a job.  And I will still go to Bible study, if it still is in existence.  

And I will still work on my writing.  

So that is it for me.  I am at a loss as to what to write here.  During the break, at night, I got inspired by ideas.  Now I am going to write them down.  I seem to be inspired at the most inopportune times.   But I got a journal and pens for Christmas so maybe that is a suggestion for me to keep something with me.  I just like the nights, before bed.  Maybe because I like to be in bed.  I'm hoping that if the pain goes away I will be less tired.  

Since I have no ideas now, what would you like me to write about?  Anything goes.  Well, almost anything.  

Third Artwork

This is my 3rd piece of artwork.  It is an ink and watercolor paint picture.  I finished it at home as the art school had its usual break this month.  The breaks bum me out as I want to keep working on my art and yet have instant feedback.  But they have classes for 8 weeks and then have a break for 5 weeks.  So I took it home and it didn't turn out as I had hoped, I think it is too pale.  And I don't know what to do with the white space in the middle.  It was a picture from a fairy tale book, where this picture was the title page of each story.  I'd like to hang it up in my home but I don't know what to put in the middle.  What do you think?

This night I was supposed to go to a Bible study that I joined 2 weeks ago.  It is only the 2 leaders and I so far.  It is called a medical miracle group, as we have all had medical problems and persevered through them.  I am just getting to know them and now we won't meet again until after the new year.  And their group only meets an hour instead of the usual 2 hours.  At least it is every week instead of every other week.  It was the only group that fit my schedule and my specs.  So needless to say I am bored.  I think I may look for more work after the new year.  This working 2 nights a week is the pits.  What do you think? 

Wurmbrand

I have been a supporter of Voice of the Martyrs for many years, and recently they gave me a movie and book about Richard Wurmbrand, the founder.

Wurmbrand was tortured in a Romanian Communist prison for a total of 14 years, during the height of communism.  There were many atrocities done to many people in these prisons.  It boggles  the mind the depravity of the perpetrators.  But they were raised in hate, much like our present-day terrorists.  All they know is hate.  So even though Richard and many others suffered through a living hell, they still loved their attackers.  This is amazing to me.  How can one love others like that?  But I am reminded that it was not in their nature to love, but through Christ in them, that taught them and empowered them to love.

Because of this great love of Christ in these brave men and women, many were saved and redeemed from a life of hate to a life of love.  What an amazing witness this is of God's power, that He can change people to that extent.  That is miraculous.  Their stories remind me of how good I have it, and how blessed I am to live at a place and time that I am free to worship Christ and fellowship with other believers.  I am free to read the Bible and talk about it.  I just have many freedoms and am so thankful for that.  

Belated Thanksgiiving

I am thankful for:

my loving family

my comfy and cozy home

my dependable car

being born in USA

my loving friends

my career

my education

my art that I create

my Bible

My Jesus

my salvation

my many freedoms

my computers

my church

my pets

my travel memories

Christmas

family memories

and so much more!

It is easy to forget how much I have, and easy to wallow in self pity for what I don't have.  I have to stop and think about what I do have.  I heard a quote that I like that goes something like don't want what you don't have, but want what you do have.  I like that.  There are some things I have no control over, my career, romantic relationships, the weather.  But I do have control over how I respond and react to my circumstances.  So instead of feeling sorry for myself, I have to consciously be thankful because in reality, to much of the known world, I have more than them.  

Writer's Block

Yes, I am suffering writer's block.  I am hoping my online writing workshops will inspire  me because I have no ideas.  Not only that, it still hurts to type.  I used to be quite inspired and wrote a lot.  Now my mind is a blank.  I am not sure why this is happening, but it is frustrating.

Maybe before I wrote more because that's all I did.  But now I have a  job.  And I want to keep working, I like my career.  Sometimes though I wish I had more hours.  I get nervous when I have free time, and I have a lot of it now, of which I am trying to fill up.  But then again, if I work more I won't be able to take art classes or do Bible study.  And I worry that I will be anxious again.  So there is that.

Another reason is I wonder if my anti-anxiety meds cause me to lose inspiration.  But I need to take these meds as they keep me employed and help me sleep.  So there is that.

Who knows.  I know I don't have control over how many hours I have to work.  And I don't seem to have control over my inspiration.   It's either there or it isn't.  But I have to keep telling myself that a lot of people would love to not have to work full-time, and that I am thankful I don't have to.  Nor do I have to depend on social security, which I know it is not enough to live on.  

I am also thankful for my home, another blessing from my parents, and my cat, Bella.  It is so nice to come home to her and she is always happy to have me at home.  She sleeps with me every night, which is always comforting to me.  So I have the 3 things I once asked for and lost, and now regained.  Although I had never lost my home, I lost my job and my cat, and it took me too long to get back to a place where I could have these things again.  But then again I have to remind myself that I have it good compared to most people.  I don't know of anyone without problems, or wishing things were different.   Why is it so hard to be thankful?  Is it because I have a pessimistic bent?  I hate being that way but that is what I am, along with all the other.  Which seems to be a repellent to men.  Which is a topic for another day.  

Another Update

Again, another update about my work situation. I am back to teaching Tues. and Thurs., and there is a another teacher working Mon. and Wed.  I am tired of this off and on so I hope she sticks around for a while.  I have been making up hours that I missed at my art class by going twice a week  I have missed that.  It is so relaxing for me.  I also decided to volunteer for the Animal Humane Society, in cat adoption in Coon Rapids, what I used to do before Chocolate died.  I look forward to doing that, I have missed being with cats, and I hope I can help them there.  I am looking for a Bible study, but not have had much luck there.  I am also going to take some writing workshops online through a Christian writers group.  

It has been about a year since I adopted Bella, my cat, and that has been sweet.  The only thing she does that bugs me is she meows a lot.  Otherwise, she has been a perfect cat.  I could't have asked for a better one.  She sleeps with me every night which always makes me happy.  I love coming home to her.  People confuse me and baffle me, but animals no. I wish I could get a job helping them.  I love animals.  

I got a cortisone shot for my arm Mon. and have yet felt relief.  I hope it helps, I have had this problem for too long and it tires me out all the time.  

But I look forward to next week and Thanksgiving.  I look forward to putting up my Christmas tree.  I love the season of Christmas, it cheers me.