The Struggle is Real

I finished watching my "The Struggle is Real" videos by Nicole Unice.  She talked about trust, which I addressed last week.  I said I have a hard time trusting in God's love for me.  I have no doubts about His existence, but I don't feel His love.  Now that I think of it, I feel as if I am deranged.  How can I doubt Him when He has proven His love for me time and time again?  How much more does He have to do for me to get it?  

Nicole also said, "our past impacts our future but it doesn't have to direct our future."  That is so true.  Just because something happened in the past, it doesn't mean it will happen again.  And if it does, so what?  I survived it then and I will survive it now.  

Word have such power, and even the tone of such words.   What I say to myself in my heart comes out in my words to the world.  So even though I think no one can read my thoughts, maybe they can in a way.  I wonder about that, if people can read my thoughts.  Not in a clairvoyant way, or a paranoid way.  But I know I do not have a poker face.  I have been thinking about that, and thinking I need to clean up my thoughts, and have a more loving attitude towards my fellow man.  As I always say, it is so much easier to be judgmental but it is so hard to be loving.

Sometimes I think I doubt God's love because things don't always go my way, or bad things happen.  But that's life.  And God can use those things, if nothing else, to teach us what really matters in life.  And that is people.  

On a personal note, I think I have ulnar impaction syndrome, where my ulnar, the bone on the side of the pinky, is longer than the radius, the bone on the side of the thumb, and it rubs against the wrist bones.  We've tried everything else so I think surgery is next.  I have to wait until the end of this month to find out what!  But the good news is I'm going to Israel next month!  I've always wanted to go, but never got around to it.  The polar vortex last week sent me over the edge and got me off my butt.