Advent #4

Today my sister brought her dog to the vet.  The dog is getting older and having health problems that go along with age.  I know how much her dog means to my sister, as did my cat meant to me.  It is hard to be reminded of my grief, and I cried throughout the night thinking about my sister, not wanting her to suffer as I did with Chocolate.

My sister and I have always loved our pets and depended on them.  Probably too much.  It is hard not to when neither of us feel very comfortable in this world, both feeling so different and at odds with others around us.  We never fit in growing up, instead feeling a connection with our pets.  They made us feel like we mattered.  They made us feel loved.

Today I am also thinking of past Christmases with my grandparents.  I dream about them, along with my past pets, and I miss them, especially around the holidays.

Why do loved ones have to die?  I think God knows the pain we feel.  After all, His own Son died.  Although He rose again, God still remembers the pain and grief.

The only One who will always be there, time eternal, is Jesus.  His name means God saves.  Emmanuel means God with us.

This fall after Chocolate's death I have felt God's presence more now than I have ever felt before.  I think I was distracted before, being too obsessed with Chocolate and worrying about him. Was he happy?  Was he in pain?  I wanted so much to do whatever I could do for him that I fear that he became  more important to me than God.

The thing is, pets come and go.  They will not be with us forever.  People come and go.  But God, He is forever.

Maybe I sound naïve and weak.  But I know I would not make it through this life without Jesus.  I shudder at the thought of where I would be  if I didn't know Him.  If I didn't believe in Him.

Maybe people think what has God done for me? I am unemployed, unattached, and without my parents, I would be homeless. 

But God saved me.  He saved me from myself.  My own path of destruction that I paved a long road down.  A path of anger, bitterness, and self-righteousness.

Yes, I am naïve and weak.  Maybe I don't look like I have it all together.  But I do have this.  The assurance that God is with me, no matter what.  He never gives up on me.  He always loves me.  He sees me and hears me.  I am never alone. 

I love myself. Amazing!  I love the way I look.  I love my life.  Life is such a gift not to be wasted or thrown away.  God gave that to me.

Everyone has a purpose.  Every life has meaning.  That is what Christmas is all about.  Receiving the gift of life that God offers to all of us.  Not just life here on earth.  Eternal life.  It is real.  God is real.  God is with us.

O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel.