Arles

Roman arena

steps into arena

Roman theater

Roman theater

Constantine baths

Constantine baths

I didn't know that Arles was a Roman city, but I guess that would make sense as the Roman Empire had surrounded most if not all of the Mediterranean sea.  They still have events in the arena such as bullfights and a Spanish festival, which I also didn't know they had in France.  Therefore, Arles seems to have some Andalusian influence as well.  The theater is hard to make sense of, they have a fence around it so we couldn't go in.  I guess they are still excavating it.  They even had Roman baths, as this was a favorite city of Constantine and his successors.  

Van Gogh in Arles

Roman amphitheater

painting of amphitheater

hospital

cafe

Vincent van Gogh spent about a year in Arles, approximately a year before his death in another Provencal town.  There are Roman ruins throughout Arles, which van Gogh painted.  He spent some time in the hospital due to the ear incident, and his failing health due to smoking and alcohol.  He liked to frequent the cafe in the bottom picture, which is still there today and profiting from van Gogh's fame.  

I enjoyed seeing the real places of these paintings.  Arles is a quaint little town that I was surprised that it had been around at least 2,000 years, and that some of the Roman ruins were still visible.  I didn't know the Romans had colonized France at all, besides Paris.  I knew so little of these towns of southern France.  I feel like I still know so little.  But at least I got a taste of it.

Memorial Day

Two weeks ago I was in Europe.  Now that I am home, I reflect on my own country of America.  Here are a few things I am thankful for:

air conditioning

stores being open

food everywhere

helpful service

Why did I think this?  In Europe I was reminded of stores shutting their doors in the middle of the day, and bars only serving booze and not willing to serve.  A few times I was hot with no escape from the heat.  Maybe I am spoiled, I know I am.  But I am thankful for these simple things.  That I can go anywhere and find food and a/c.

But the greatest thing I am thankful for as I reflect on my travels in Europe is freedom.  Freedom is not free.  Too many men and woman paid the ultimate price for my freedom.  And their loved ones continue to grieve their sacrifice.  

So I am glad to be back on my native soil.  I am thankful to be born in this great nation.  America is unique, we are not like any other nation in the world.  We are freedom-loving rebels.  I hope we never take for granted what we have.  I hope we never give away what so many died for.  What others around the world are dying for everyday.  

God bless America!   

Mother's Day

I just wanted to send a shout out to my mommy for being the best mommy I could have!  She has always been there for me.  At every doctor appointment, at every hospital stay.  She was there every day after school to dry my tears and feed me food I would eat.  She made me go out and about with her, when I would have rather holed up in my room feeling sorry for myself.  She gave me strength and courage to speak up for myself and be the woman I was meant to be.

I think being a mom is the most difficult job in the world.  It is a thankless job.  You can try the best you can but still wind up with a selfish child.  Or you can be the worst and somehow get lucky with a loving child.  Kids don't come with rule books.  We the unruliest lot, more than any animal.  Yet mothers endure a lifetime of pain and heartache to do this thankless job.

Why do they do this?  I don't know, and I am glad I am not a mom!  But I am eternally thankful for the mom I do have.  She always had good treats for us to eat, and wasn't uptight about our eating habits.  She knew I was fussy, and just made me the things that I was willing to eat.

She sewed our clothes, made clothes for our dolls, and made us quilts.  She makes the best food, and of course, still makes the best desserts.

We have fun together, meeting once a week for coffee at Starbucks.  She is most generous when we go shopping.  She read to me when I was little, developing my love for reading for all my life.  

We enjoy playing trivia games and cards, and we have fun in the midst of competition. She shared her love of Hollywood with me, developing my own interest in film.  

She taught my sister and I manners, to write thank you notes, to balance our checkbooks. She taught us to cook and bake, and how to keep clean our homes.  I am amazed at the people I meet that don't know how to do this stuff.  I guess I just assumed.  But she took her job seriously as a mom, rolling up her sleeves and taking on this most monumental task.  

Yet even so, she loves being a mom.  She never stops worrying about us, telling us to watch out for the deer when we drive away.  She is thoughtful in all she does, is the most loving person I know.

I am blessed to have such a mommy.  I don't know what I would do without her.  She is the one who encourages me and keeps me strong.  I love my mommy.

Why I Write

I read a post from a fellow blogger, who was lamenting that he worries about how well or poorly received his new book was.  I know how that feels.  I self-published 3 books last year and got little to show for it.  I did get one response from a publisher who was interested in my memoir, but after having an overpaid lawyer look at the contact, I was advised that it was not good, so I declined.  I don't regret that.  At that time, my dad had fallen and was in the hospital, and I had already decided to get my certificate in teaching ABE/ESL.  

I encouraged this fellow blogger with something I tell myself when I am discouraged about my writing.  As I write my blog, week in and week out, I wonder why I bother when I get so little response.  But once in a while, someone outside my family and friends will thank me for my post, and I am encouraged that although that one person may not seem like much, they are of infinite worth to God.  And I am reminded that I don't write to make money or be famous, although that would be cool. I write to hopefully make a difference in this world, however small.  

So don't feel like what you do doesn't make a difference.  We all have a story to tell, a life to live, a gift to give.  It may not seem like much.  But it matters to God. And it matters to that one person you give to.  So don't give up, don't give in.  Keep doing what you do.  If you love it, and you are good at it.  If it makes you forget all the problems in your life, and you feel like you can rise above it.  Don't stop.  You can make a difference.  

Sleep Apnea

About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with sleep apnea.  In college, about five years before that, I saw a psychiatrist about my depression, and he suggested I had sleep apnea and was all set to have me be tested in a sleep clinic.  The last thing I wanted to do was to look like Bane from the bast Batman movie.  He also said that if the CPAP machine didn't work, they could do a tracheotomy.  When I heard that I almost leapt out of my chair and ran out the door.  I did leave, and never went back.  Besides having a CPAP, having a tracheotomy was worse.  How could I possibly attract a man looking like Bane?  Forget about it.

But  five years after that I couldn't forget about it.  I started wetting the bed.  I guess I was so tired that I couldn't even wake up when I had to pee.  So I went in for the sleep test.  I  had the wires glued to my head, and tried to sleep in a strange place.  I told them I couldn't breathe through my nose, but they didn't seem to believe me for they used a mask that only covered my nose.  Needless to say, I don't know what was worse, my snoring or the weird gurgling sounds coming from my nose.  

I brought home a CPAP machine.  My first one was so loud it sounded like a tornado ripping through my apartment.  After fruitless attempts at sleeping, I switched it for a bigger, yet quieter one, and finally convinced them that I needed full face mask.  

I have been using this contraption for 15 years.  I got a smaller one about 7-8 years ago, but still use a full face mask.  I really don't like wearing it.  But I keep telling myself that it keeps me alive.  

I know people who have CPAP machines but don't use them.  I wonder why.  Maybe they are just not used to having contraptions on their bodies.  I guess I'm used to that.  I had a Milwaukee brace as a child, used a muscle stimulator on my back as a teen while attempting to sleep, had hearing aids since junior high, and braces for 4.5 years and a retainer for one year.  So I'm used to having various strange objects on my body.  I didn't like it at the time.  I hated it actually!  My braces always hurt my teeth, and gave me headaches.  But in retrospect, I am glad I had these things done.  My spine is not so crooked as to require surgery.  My teeth are relatively straight, I can hear things I never heard before, and I finally get the sleep I apparently have needed for years without irritating others with my snoring.

And no, I still haven't attracted a man.  The way I look at it is if he really loved me, he would want me to do what I had to do to be healthy.  Having sleep apena can put a strain on your heart, as you are stopping breathing hundreds of times a night.  You won't realize it or notice it, but it happens.  This puts an added burden on your heart.  Why would you want to do that?  

CPAP machines are much quieter and smaller than they used to be.  And you can get supplies on amazon.  There are other treatments now for sleep apnea that might work for you.  My case is unique as I have it as a side affect from my second cleft palate surgery.  But without that surgery, my speech would be unintelligible.  So since I only have one mouth to speak but two ways to breathe, it's a doable deal.

I guess I have been wanting to write this for a while, to share that life goes on.  It's not the end of the world.  At least now there is something that can be done for sleep apnea.  Just give it a chance.  There are lots of options now, and no excuse to not at least try.  What have you got to lose?

I AM BRUSSELS

I am Brussels.

When this attack happened only last month, I was saddened, but not surprised.  They had warned of further attacks in Europe, so it was just a matter of wait and see what happens.

When it did happen, I kept expecting Facebook to give me a chance to change my picture to the Belgian flag.  But none was forthcoming.  I felt sad as I wondered if it was because of the kerfuffle that ensued after the Paris attacks last year, when some people were complaining about others who had changed their picture to the French flag, when so many other attacks happened around the world as well.

I think I can explain why.  Most Americans have not been to those other places.  Most Americans are descendants from European countries, so we feel a stronger relationship with the Europeans.  It doesn't mean we don't care about the other continents, or the people within them, but that we feel a stronger brotherhood of man with Europeans.  

This also made me sad as at first I felt united with my fellow Americans in standing together with them in grief for the Parisians.  I was even there during 9-11.  Now they were experiencing their own 9-11.  And I felt sad for them as I remember how deeply 9-11 affected me, and still does.  Then people started creating this rift between us.  And that unity was broken.

Why do we feel the need to attack each other?   Why can't we be the United States of America?  Why can't we get past the divisions between north and south, left and right?  Why do we feel the need to attack others on social media, thinking since we have freedom of speech, it is OK to hurt others?  It is OK to spread whatever lies we may believe as long as we believe they are the truth.

There are so many hack sites out there that spread lies.  They have no journalistic integrity.  I usually don't comment or share unless it's a site I am familiar with, it has been verified with other sites, and I am relatively sure that it is something my Facebook friends would be behind.  Facebook is a way for me to connect with my friends that I hardly ever see.  I suppose people could say don't read it, don't look at it.  But after reading so many postings that continue to drive a wedge between us all, I wonder if we will ever get past this.  

Friendships should be able to respect each other, respect each other's opinions, and not try to change each other.  I'm an adult, I have a brain, I try to see both sides.  I try to think how would I feel?  I am not always successful.  Sometimes I lose it and let fly.  But I am working on it.  I don't want to contribute anymore to this division.

We need each other now.   We need to be united against the outside forces that want to destroy us and kill us.  We need to stand together for this great country of ours.  It's not perfect.  No country is.  But I am thankful for the opportunities that this country has afforded my family and I.  My ancestors came here in search of a dream.  Let's hold on to that dream, and not let it slip away because our enemies want to destroy us.  Don't make the sacrifices that our military men, women, and families have made be in vain.